I’m back from the dead

I’ve been really busy for the last few weeks. Ah, the trials and tribulations of being an adult. Ugh. I’ve had a great couple of weeks, for real though. Business trips. Successful work results. Made up with an old friend. I’m not bitter or angry about anything right now. Ok, well, I’m not bitter about most things. Somebody, who will remain nameless, did outright COPY me. But this person tries do everything I do all the time. I guess imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I guess. He or she is just copycat. If this person would just admit to him/herself that they idolize me, worship me and wish they could be as bold, irreverent, fabulous and funny as me life would be simpler for him or her. You know who you are. One day you will see the light. Of course, I wish this person would fall at my feet and be my dedicated servant. But that’s not going to happen. He or she has pride or something. The nerve. I mean what would be better than being my servant. The pay is great. The hours are fantastic. No abuse. Just good old fashion WORSHIP & ADORATION. I mean is that to much to ask for? Anyway, I’m feeling good. It’s the end of a good, long, hard work week and I plan to celebrate. Wouldn’t you like to know what I have planned?

I would marry this guy if he asked me, of course, I might have to divorce him if this guy step to me. Of course every man on earth can go to Hades if he ever gave one second of attention. I mean a nanosecond, I would JUMP him.

Imagine……

You woke up tomorrow in a different county. Everyone was black. The president and all the elected representatives: black. You turned on the TV and all the commercials featured black actors. All the sitcoms had black characters as well as black storylines, punchlines, and jokes. You went to the local Tinseltown and all the movies were romantic comedies with a black male and female leads. All the superhero flicks featured black superheroes like the Green Lantern and Spawn. There was only one or two of you EVER featured in futuristic sci-fi movies. Every magazine you opened featured black models that look like this and this. There were no blondes anywhere, in fact it was considered odd and undesirable to have yellow hair. You had to go to a special section in the drug store for shampoo, conditioner, combs and brushes. If you are a woman there was no make-up that matches your complexion. Foundation color started at Halle Berry and just got darker and darker and that goes for panyhoses as well. In fact, when you got the color that did match sometimes you looked like you were tinged in grey. You try to find dolls for your little girl that looked like a little “her” but you had to go to three stores to find one. All your X-mas decorations were black: Santa, elves and angels. You attend church and all images of God, saints, prophets and disciples are black. You go to Hallmark to buy a card for your grandmother’s birthday and they only feature wooly-haired, zaftig, dark grandmas wearing brightly colored Kente cloth. Driving home from work where all your co-workers talk about the joy and pain of living with uncles, aunts, grandmas, granddads, and cousins, you lament you can’t relate because you live alone in an apartment in the city. As you make your way to your apartment, every billboard is showing a black hand or foot or family. Many of the very famous or rich men that look like you have a black wife and never even acknowledge, date, or marry a women that look like his mother (in fact, sometimes he even disparages and ridicules them). It’s hard to explain to your baby that it’s okay to have thin lips, a thin nose, straight hair and funny colored eyes. All the cartoons are black characters and have black voices and when your kid colors pictures of your family with the crayon marked “nude” invariably everyone is the color of a luscious Hershey’s bar. 90% of the doctors, lawyers, accountants, police officers, insurance agents, politicians, and fire fighters are black. Whenever you lamented about these facts, your friends or colleagues told you “You’re paranoid. Knock it off.” Imagine………

Banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies.
-Thomas Jefferson
(current favorite president after Clinton and Lincoln)

Putting it all in perspective

Coming home after the foiled anarchist/terrorist plot in England was a sobering experience. I rarely check bags, but I checked everything but my purse and my big book of Sudoku puzzles. It was unsettling being away from my belongings, but it was nearly traumatic thinking of some crazy men assembling a bomb from hydrogen peroxide and other household products. I made it home safe, thank God. I’m glad Scotland Yard and the other participating British agencies were able to arrest these religious psychopaths who want the entire world in a constant state of fear. I’m trying to figure out what man-made organized religion has ever done positive for the rest of the world. An innumerable number of people have been killed in the name of God. Why? Can’t there be multiple paths to Paradise? Can’t Heaven be a place where all the righteous people are not just the “religious”? Can’t humans experience spirituality and God in their own way without fanatics and zealots screaming at the top of their lungs about their religion is the Way, the Light, the World? The brilliance of the USA is we are a secular society. We have freedom of religion. Everyone is FREE. We are not hindered with a theocracy. We are not stuck in the quagmire of sexual repression. We are not oppressed by a thoroughly corrupt government. We are blessed with the basic necessities of life. The poor here have food, water, clothes, TV, telephone, cell phones, and tons of other materialistic goods. And even if they don’t have everything I’ve listed they have so much more than poor people in so many parts of the world. I wish I had the solution to fighting an enemy that does not reside in one country, does not have a concrete goal or no centralized leadership. But, what I do know is I will continue to fight to keep the USA as free as the founding fathers dreamed, because it may be one the last bastion of freedom on earth.

“Educate and inform the whole mass of the people... They are the only sure reliance for the preservation of our liberty.”

“In every country and every age, the priest had been hostile to Liberty.”

“It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no God.”

---Thomas Jefferson

Stupid things I do when traveling*

I was on a plane this past Sunday. I always think this may be my last time on earth if we crash. Who would I mate with if we ended up on Gilligan’s Island? (Of course, nevermind the fact, I have never flown over the ocean or any where near a tropical island.) Hmm, that one guy with the spiky blond hair is kinda cute. Looks young and nubile like the guy from Blue Lagoon. Or, maybe that big strong almost biker type. He could definitely fight off some scary animals or build shelter. That old guy with the male-pattern baldness. Well, if he’s the only one left. Did I mention I’m very rude and snobby. I was in the south (I mean the real south people) and everyone keeps speaking to me in that irritating southern accent and saying hello and how are you doing. I don’t know you people and I don’t want to get acquainted. I’ll never see you again, what IS the point? There were a lot of nice shops, but, of course, I didn’t find one thing. The hot, hot sun made me grumpy as hell. I wish I lived where it was always about 68 with a slight breeze. The sun makes me sick. I may need to move to the west coast. Of course I’ll have to lose lots and lots of weight first, dye my hair blonde, get a weave, veneers, & breast implants just to fit in, but the weather will be nicer. This bum stood by me while I was on the phone talking to another county prosecutor and said “excuse me” about 200 times in the course of about 8 minutes. I ignored him the whole time and he finally went away. Get away from me, you bum! I’m just as broke as you. At least you have freedom, I’m an economic slave.

*This rant brought to you by the FJN Center for Bitterness & Hostility. Special thanks to The Aggression Think Tank and The Malice & Venom Group, Ltd.