How open are you to love?

One of my new favorite officers of LMPD asked me a typical getting to know you question recently: “are you married?” Followed by the still touchy, but always asked “do you have any kids?” After my emphatic “nos” made him chuckle, he paid me a great compliment (“I don’t know why a beautiful and smart woman like you isn’t married” which I replied impishly “I don’t know either!”) and gave me a great statement to chew on: “I’m sure when you open up your heart, a great guy will come into your life.” Ewwwww. How many times had I heard that same sentiment in various forms of statements or platitudes. But, for some reason his matter-of-fact and no-nonsense demeanor struck me. How open was my heart to love? Did I really want that love in my life or was I giving it lip service? Could be speaking one thing with my mouth, but speaking volumes with my heart to the opposite? One of LMPD Finest could be one who finally opened my mind (and heart) a little wider to the possibility of finding that mate I sometimes believe is completely elusive and unattainable. My father who is the archetype for which I judge all men is a hard act to follow. He is strong, funny, gentle, surprising, rebellious, dependable, thoughtful, responsible, an explorer, intelligent, a voracious reader, and loves Star Trek in all its cinematic forms. I have many times thought if you can do the things that Mr. Nu’Man does for me, why am I wasting my time? I know it’s a tall order and may at times be an unfair comparison, but clearly these are admirable traits why am I not allowed to seek them out in a potential potential? I know I’m sometimes consumed with acidic realism, but there could be glimmer of hopefulness peaking through my transparent disdain of love and relationship.

Don’t count on that sentiment peaking through on a regular basis, bitter is funnier.

Love me some of this guy.

Are you useful?

Barak Obama was on Oprah last week to pitch his new book: The Audacity of Hope. I haven’t read it, but I plan to buy it. But, not only did he talk about the premise and subject of his book, he talked about his family and ambitions to possibly to be President of the United States. I would vote for him based on these reasons alone: 1. Extremely brilliant (Harvard Law Review Editor, duh!); 2. Beautiful, black wife (hello, she’s a gets a touch-up every 6 weeks, can you feel me ladies???); and 3. Progressive thinker (he says “can we stop re-litigating the 60s”). But, what I found so interesting is his answer to one of O’s questions: What value do you want Americans to have most? His response: he wants everyone to ask themselves “Are you useful?” The gravity of that simple question is astonishing. What are giving to the world, to your community, to your family? If you have the means or the time or both how useful are you? The question comes to mind when you think of the silliness of the material world. Example: the world of music videos shows the downward spiral of society. A shift in the paradigm that is ushering in hyper-materialism, hyper-sexualization, and hyper-shallowness. I view rap videos from the 90s and 80s; and, I see people of all races, people of all beauty levels, people of all sizes. I see the real world. But now you see only one type of woman, one type of size, one type of ‘race.’ This leads me to think about how we are so self-center now as an American society; therefore, useless to others. There are white actors and actresses adopting kids from all over the world. And, contrary to the tricknowledgy news, so are average Joes and Joannes. But, I don’t see any Black celebrities doing this? Maybe they are but its not being covered. Doubtful. Black celebrities, besides Oprah, seem to care about building more wealth for themselves (possibly the family members & friends), than giving to the world. What if a group of celebrities adopted the ‘urban’ areas of major American cities? O you got Chi-town. Diddy and Jay-Z hold down NYC. Spike & Denzel take care of LA. What if all the rappers got together to make a pact that in 10 years every Black person of majority age will have a diploma or a GED? (small steps) I question how useful am I? I mean, how useful are you?

I ramble, please forgive me.

Selfishness

Sometimes you have to be selfish to stay sane. There are things that you have to do in order for self-preservation. Dictionary.com says selfishness is being devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others. A lot of times you have to put your interests before everyone else’s. If a relationship or friendship is causing you nothing but anguish and heartache, you have to rid yourself of the person. It could hurt the other person deeply, but should you remain in pain so the other person will feel good? No one will care about you, until YOU care about you. You can love a person with all your heart and soul, but if you not getting the kind of love you want in return, what are you to do? Continue to be miserable, so a twisted, hurtful, one-sided relationship can fulfill another’s needs? Subverting your feelings for someone else is so 1950s. If you can’t get what you want or desire from a relationship or friendship, let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go.

This is just my humble advice.

Remember this group. Can we get the old 90s R&B back?

Love can best be summed up in these MJB albums:

My Life

What’s the 411?

Share My World

O, SNAP or bad poetry

O, Shoot! Nobody Appreciates Philippic-ness
O, Shut-up Nitwits Aghast by my Prose
O, Surface Needs Always Poison
O, Sit-down Ninnies who are Against my Proclamations
O, Shenanigans! Naughtiness! Antics! Playfulness!
O, Slant, Not Acknowledged People
O, Slap Nobody, Although….Perhaps….
O, Somewhere New Awesome Prototypes
O, Somebody Notices All your Power
O, Something is Not Alright with the Public
O, Search Now for Another Sweetheart
O, Silly Now-n-Again Sistuh
O, Seriously, Neither Anger or Sourness
O, Side Nudges Always, Pookie
O, Slimy Networks Attacking Psyches
O, Songs with Novel Arenas of Poetry
O, Sycophantic Neophytes Advancing Petulance
O, Suppress Noggins Abandoned by Precocity
O, Stylish, Nubile yet Antiquated Personalities
O, Sing New Awe-inspiring Psalms

Stop reading garbage

Walking through the halls of my second office (the courthouse), I happened upon a Louisville Metro employee with a book. I was ecstatic to see this young black woman enjoying the thrill of a good read, but then I saw the title. It was something like “Divalicious Drama” or “Rumpshaker Video Queen” or something equally as absurd. I told her why are you reading that ridiculous book, first of all, why does this “black man” (I use that term loosely) choose only to write books from a woman’s point of view; He doesn’t have his own stories to tell? Second, of all, he’s writing tabloid novels, might as well be a harlequin romance. I told her I would make her a list of books she should be reading, print it out, and carry around with me until I saw her again. I want her to read LITERATURE. Important books by important authors. Unfortunately, there’s a new genre of trade paperbacks that are nothing more than garbage in print: trashy music videos to words. Writing so bad it should be a crime. I can’t believe that this is the trend in Black fiction. There was a rebirth of good fiction with Terry McMillan in the early 90s. And don’t get me wrong, there’s a place in fiction for a bit of tawdriness and crass, but it can’t dominate. The same insidious virus that has infected hip hop has contaminated the world of publishing. It is a woeful time when “Babydaddy for Hire” is read more than “The Bluest Eye.” I challenge all my sisters (and everyone else for that matter) to elevate their reading choices. But, it’s extremely important that Black females/mothers try to open their minds to all the possibilities in the library and bookstore, because it will turn their minds to a positive direction. New ideas, new thought patterns, new ways to think about old ideas. It will only help, never hurt. A well-crafted novel will transform you. It will invigorate you. It will validate you. It will lift you up. It will make you a better woman.

Read anything by these authors and you will be a better human: Zora Neale Hurston, Toni Morrison, J. California Cooper, and Gloria Naylor.


The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.
Mark Twain

Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.
Sir Richard Steele

Spiritually Bankrupt, Morally Corrupt, Insatiable Desires, Narcissism*

This is the future of America. The babyboomers strike again. Anyone who knows me knows I hate this generation with a passion. They will not die gracefully. They will not age gracefully. They will not step down from power gracefully. They wanted to do everything differently than their parents and grandparents. It has done us so well in many ways: Human rights for all races of people in America, reproductive rights for women, voting rights for all races, and more freedom for all. But so many things they have done are so completely wrong. They have over-indulged children. They have created narcissists (because they themselves are). They have modeled and advocated extremities. There is a generation of people licking their own wounds and disregarding the wounds of everyone else. We have bred people with no conscience or sense of guilt. We need shame and guilt. There is NO bad emotion or feeling. God has given us all the emotions and feelings we have. Sin and evil comes from actions we take. Anger should move us to change things or preserve self. Shame keeps us from desecrating our or other’s dignity. Lust keeps the species alive. But these emotions should not be so extreme. Moderation: something the babyboomers no nothing about. Just because you can do something….doesn’t mean you SHOULD. The question you to yourself is SHOULD I do something, not CAN I do something. The Puritanical work ethic and capitalism has help this country be one of the greatest countries economically, militarily, and powerfully, but working all the time is not good. There needs to be time for family and relaxation. We are out of balance. Greed the god of the babyboomers. We may have money, a mighty army and power, but we don’t have happiness and fulfillment.

On a lighter note, uh, ladies have you heard this song. Uh, love and hate it at the same time. But there are few other guys like this (read like some extra meat on their women), check him out.

*inspired by an Oprah episode and the fear that their will be no Social Sercuity. Don’t dis Oprah. She has lots of insight, even though she has that know-it-all I’m in my 50s thing. Look around to the 50+ people you know and you will understand what I mean by that statement.

Imponderables

1. Why do people put bumper stickers on NEW cars?

2. How come there are luxury cars parked in apartment complex parking lots?

3. Why do dog owners kiss their pets in the mouth? (don’t give me that a dog’s mouth is cleaner than a human mouth, they lick their own butts)

4. Why do black guys get mad when they get pulled over by police when they have the drug dealer uniform and standard issue SUV?

5. Why do white folks get mad when you assume they don’t have any black friends when they have a confederate flag, a support our troops bumper sticker, a “W”, and a UK paw print on their pick-up?

6. Why do people from the Highlands refused to believe they are snobby than anyone in the East End?

7. Can someone tell me why gay men are usually more interesting, smart, and compassionate than straight men?

8. Why on earth would anyone cover up for a pedophile?

9. Why do people become so bold, crass, racist, sexist, or hateful with the anonymity of the internet?

10. Why is that mean Ami on Miami Ink so effing hot?

11. Why does EVERY window in my apartment leak?

12. How come Stewie B. Griffin the funniest person on TV?

13. Why are these men strangely attractive: Vincent D'Onofrio, Robert De Niro, Jeff Goldblum, and Clint Eastwood?

14. How can you lose weight drinking milk?

15. How come you never see a car with a “W” sticker and a “Save the Rain Forest” on the same car?

16. Speaking of W, can his approval rating sink ANY lower?

17. Why do I want a new cell phone every year?

18. Why do we need LOGO when it’s obvious that the gay network is BRAVO?

19. Why do we stay up so late on Sunday to prevent the inevitable?

20. Why are these imponderables just annoying things to me?

One plus One Equals One

There are opposites in nature and in life. It’s important. It’s essential. There is a duality in the universe that makes everything possible and balanced. There is an opposite to everything. The only thing that exists outside of this is the Supreme Being. The devil is not the opposite of God. That would make it seem as if he was as powerful as He and he is not. Knowhatimean? (as my Piscataway friend used to say) But if you look to everything in nature, the opposite is essential because without one you do not know the other. You can not experience the other. There is no other. So, the next time one of you self-centered, how-could-God-let-this-or-that-happen to me or the world lament over some perceived or actual injustice, stop and think. If there was no sad time, happy ones could not be enjoyed. If there were no hunger, we could be thankful of our full bellies. If there was no want, we could be blessed with bounty. If there was no putrid hate, we could not understand the healing power of love. There is a duality in the world, in the universe, in the cosmos.

Where’d that come from?

Ignore me.

I promised that thing on how feminism effed up the balance of power. It’s coming. So to speak…ha!