Why does your mind torture you with old situations? Old memories? Old love? Old hate? Old mistakes? Is it just me or does your mind obsess about things you can not change and on times when you felt more stupid than Jessica Simpson at a MENSA meeting? It seems like you should have more control of your thoughts. Maybe some people do. I am not blessed with that power. I’m packing away and my thoughts drift to the times I’ve made a fool of myself over a man, the times I’ve said something nonsensical to a person I’m trying to impress, or the times I’ve been caught without the reading done in that stupid Socratic method. Why am I lingering on each and every faux paux? I can’t change any of them. I can’t go back and say what I wanted to say. I can’t go back and slap the guy in the face instead of begging him to pay attention to me. But my mind just keeps going back to taunt me. To mock my judgment. To tease bad clothing choices. To ridicule my decisions. (EXHALE) I should get back to folding clothes, lamenting over bad memories, agonizing over the future, and totally neglecting the present.
(Anyone remember Adriana Evans? She got a nose job. The horror.)
2 comments:
Welcome to my world. Regret, regret and more regret. How many times have I wished to become Samantha Stevens (remember "Bewitched"?). Twinkle my nose and change it all around.
Regret used to really haunt me and gave me life paralysis. And yet the mistakes kept coming no matter how hard I tried to stop them. Over time I came to consider making mistakes as my personal birthright. Battle scars. Proof that I lived and did SOMETHING (good, bad and ugly) and at the very least I have some great cautionary tales to pass along to some other young, fool-of-a-girl someday.
Regret is fine. And mistakes hurt, as do missed opportunities. No lie. But really...perfect people suck big time, don't they? Freaks and losers, all of them. So own your regret and be happy that you don't suck big time.
Well I just hope that for 2008 we all learn to let the past go. 8 is the number of new beginnings and there is freedom in that. I hope that we take this opportunity to leave the past in the past and start forgiving ourselves, and forgiving others so that we can heal, and move on, and no longer allow history to affect our present, and future.
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