I'm going to turn 36 this year. WOW. I'm speechless. (Never.) But, I'm really unprepared. I think the trick to getting older is how well you cope with things NOT going as you planned AT ALL. If you can cope with how life unfolds, you'll be okay. But, if you're like me, still struggling with how you feel your life has exploded out of control...aging sucks. I feel like a gerbil in an exercise wheel. Running with all my might and going in circles. Not moving ahead or backwards. Anyone who knows me can say she's been in a quarter life crisis for YEARS. I want to be happy with where I am, with who I am, with how things are progressing...but I'm always reminiscing about the past. Lamenting the future. Overlooking the present. Crying over missed opportunities. Did I go to the right college? Should I have picked this profession? Did I break up with him for a good enough reason? Should I have moved to my dream city and made it work? All the while, the present is slipping through my fingers, passing with every second, minute, hour, day, week, month, and year. It's twenty ten! I have another nephew who will be one year old. I have a niece that grows an inch every week! My sweet parents are getting older. I'm getting older! I really would like to be content. My desire to be satiated with life is real, but seems unattainable. Doesn't seem to be in my personal makeup. I'm just not a happy, contented person. I'm realistic. I know dreams don't always come true. I know that life is sometimes boring. I know that true love doesn't come to everyone. I know that good people suffer and bad people prosper. Life is not fair. I know this and it keeps me from seeing the glass as half full.
I'm wondering whether to take a big step and do something or chance that the situation will present itself and I won't have to take a big step...the step will just happen in a natural progression. I'm literally running out of time. I keep going on back and forth, back and forth...what will I do? I always seem to have more questions rather than answers. Very frustrating. Such is life.
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