Ugly people were ugly babies.

I know I’m wrong. Shallow. Mean. Hateful. But it’s true: there are ugly babies. You’ve seen them. You know them. You’re related to them. They’ll grow up and be some of your super- annoying co-workers. Everyone look to your left, now to your right: somebody around you is ugly. They started have that Cro-Magnon brow, the corn-nibblett teeth and the, always disgusting pig like snout of a nose. I’m going to hell. But you know that certain baby that looks like an 80 year old man. Or the one whose nose is so pinched you wonder why they don’t have a mini oxygen tank attached to their bib. Or what about that one that looks constipated all the time. If we accept that there is a left and a right. A white and a black. An up and a down. There has to be an ugly and a cute. Come on now Felicia, you say, “all babies are pretty!” I say “yeah to their parents." Brad Pitt was a pretty baby. Christopher Walken was not. Halle Berry was a pretty baby. Barbara Bush was not. It’s just nature people. I didn’t make the rules. (Of course, I was breath-taking....ask anyone.)