Monday, February 06, 2006
Racial Issues are not Black and White
Okay, okay, I know that’s little pun, okay a BIG one. But it’s true. Racial issues and dating are really not black and white. Which brings me to today’s blog. I love the idea of the new Sanaa Lathan movie Something New. Let me be the first to tell you, that the educated, professional woman of any race has trouble dating. Ask any double or triple degreed woman who works hard in corporate America or the legal field or in medicine. Men have fragile egos. Now add in slavery and racial oppression that has lasted approximately 500 years in the Americans….and you have a REAL fragile ego. It’s hard to relate to men who feel they have a lot to prove besides the regular stuff men feel that have to prove. Life is too short to wait for an IBM (Ideal Black Man) as mentioned in the movie. What is an IBM? A black man that is educated, well-read, active in the community, your religion of choice, kind, gentle, strong, works hard everyday, loves his family, the People, and wants to make a difference. See Nationally: Tavis Smiley, Tom Joyner, Ed Gordon, See locally: Olu Stevens, Robert Douglas, Adewale Troutman. But these IBMs are as rare as real boobs in LA. There’re just not enough of them to go around. All but two of the above mentioned men are married. My point? We black women have to think outside the box if we want to have a marriage and family. If we wait for the ideal black man, we could be missing out on the ideal man of any race. We have to broaden our horizons or we will be old, alone, without a family. Past child bearing age with dusty, dried up eggs. Black women have to start putting themselves FIRST instead of upholding this imaginary “black family” that only we care about. We deserve to be happy and if that means being with a white, a Latino, or an Asian man, we should go for it. Being limited has only hurts us. Black men definitely aren’t limiting themselves, remember that ladies. While you are holding on to the bleak and unraveling Black family ideal, black men are marrying outside the “race” at record numbers and leaving that ideal in the dust. Life is too short. Grab all you can with gusto with the time you’ve been given!
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8 comments:
"Wow" - just convinced another to jump the fence!! Don't use a movie as an excuse - Be true to yourself
I usually do not comment on comments made to my Blog, because I find it completely unnecessary. You know the saying about opinions, they’re like a certain body part (not to be mentioned here since we have an expletive policy), EVERYONE has one. So, have at it people. But the two Anonymous posts above only prove my very point.
To the first person who wishes to hide in anonymity: If my very moderate and mild statement to Black WOMEN (not Black men) to search out a good man regardless of color offends you and makes you want to “jump the fence,” all I can say is you only needed a minor excuse to jump in the first place.
To the second person who is a nameless Internet flamer: I reread my statement, and no where in there do I say a good man has to do with looks, money or a particular car. I did say he must be well-read among other things regarding his character. Again, thanks for proving my point so well. By the way, only ugly, broke men on TARC whine so much.
In conclusion, Black men are the only ones who have a problem with any of these statements. I was never addressing Black men in the first place. I was telling my sisters that a good man comes various colors, so don’t limit yourself if you want a husband and a family. Keep up the good search ladies!
I read quite a bit of your blog and I couldn't pass leaving a comment on this one. First of all, I believe that a black man's reasoning for dating a white woman might be different than that of a black woman dating a white man. And before anybody out there wants to jump down my throat read that statement carefully. During slavery black men did not have access to white women the way that slavemasters did with black women.i say if black women want to transgress back to the days of old then by all menas jump the fence. But when the white man finally comes clean and uses the n word don't come back to the flock cryin.
Secondly, i am not racist. I see no harm in dating whites, although i choose not to. ut when it comes to marriage thats a different story. As black people, we all know that life in the US is full of race issues, and we confront them on a daily basis. I would imagine that children of mixed marriages are a bit confused about who they are in terms of race. While some people may not see this as a problem I do, especially when you look at the history between the two races.
And I hope that you don't take this personally, but the reason you don't have a man is probably because you are in kentucky, (7% black ?), you are an attorney and either intimidate black men or see yourself as too intelligent for the average black man and the fact that most black men have not assimilated into white society the way that you have they do not think as you do or see thngs in life the way you do, ie. the derby thing. It was clearly a race thing just like Freaknic was in Atlanta. You can read me at "thelastpanther" So what up now dog blog.
I absolutely loved Something New and thought it was timely for the black community. It especially points out the hypocrisy of black men. When black men date a white woman, it's o.k., but when a black woman dates a white man, it's like the "Massa" is stepping on the black man's territory all over again and they don't like it. What I also find interesting about many black men is they have no problem with the idea of living off a high salary professional black woman and expecting her to look askance at his flings on the side. Who's he think he is 'cause he sure ain't worth all that. I think it's great that black women are thinking outside the box for themselves and finding white men that can "bone"! Once again, the sisters show how wonderfully strong they are by going after what they need for themselves.
I'm a white male who has mostly dated white women - although I have dated several black women as well. I wish to comment on the poster (Who I'm assuming was a black male) several posts back - When white men & black women date/get together or whatever it has nothing to do with slavery or dominance or anything of the sort. That assumption by you sir offended me. I have the utmost respect for those I spend my time with including black women who I regard as my equal! Idiots come in both genders and all colors and I'm certain they're a few rotten white men out there but for the most part any white man who chooses to date a black woman is because he likes her and finds her attractive and enjoys her company.
Sheeesh. lol Each black woman should do what she pleases, date within her race or venture outside it as she sees fit.
Thank You & Cheers :)
Hi to all the my sisters, I'm a brother that went over to another nationality for a Wife, but if you can't find what your looking in us as our Brothers for a mate then go for it,I understand some of us are not very well read because I'm not very well read but that did not stop my Wife with me. I'v told Brothers all they need is skills if there not College Educated.She'll except you as long as you are a Man if your Father is a Man, I just happen to be blessed to grow up under a Father and Grand Father, Mother and Grand Mother so I had a head start on other brothers I was tought how to treat a Lady, I also would like to say to the sister, all sisters are not good woman, if I hnd not meet the Lady I married maybe I to would have married a woman of another Nationality not nessarily white but not Black, I just happen to be in the right place at the right time,if you must know my Wife know this I was honorible enough to let her know the path I was on before we meet and I'm glad I did what, she's a wonderful human being I love very much, she is degreed and i'm not and she love me just the same. sisters keep your heads up I understand most of the brothers are not in to the Educated sisters they can't handle you. it there lose,
The problem with black men dating outside of the black race is that they are sending the wrong message to their significant others of another race. What I mean is that I recently read an article of a white woman who was fed up with black women staring at her. Boy, did she have a lot of nasty things to say about black women. She basically said that black men date outside of their race because black women aren't beautiful like white women are. Those nasty and hateful words are the very thing that black women have warned brothas about. It has nothing to do with the fact that they are dating them, you black men who date white women need to be clear as to why you are dating them. And if you date white women and perpetuate a negative attitude toward black women, shame on you!!! I can appreciate a black man that dates others outside of his race, but only if he is doing it because he truly feels that every race of woman is beautiful, and that the woman he's dating has something to offer him, which no other woman can supply. (regardless of race)
I agree with the statement "Be true to yourself". If you want to date outside your race whether you be a man or woman, then more power to you. Just don't do it because it's something you see others doing.
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