Sunday, July 23, 2006
I should mind my own business, but....
I'm not sure why this effected me so much, but today I saw a very elite, white looking family with a young 18-20 year old black female at a local restaurant. She was carrying the plates of the toddlers and blowing on hot food. She was putting napkins on the infant and making sure all the kids were comfortable. What was the mother doing? Looking bored and uninterested. She was digging into her food. Now, I know I will never begrudge a person a honest, legal job, but I was really put out by the imagery it portrayed. Mammy taking care of massa's children. I don't know why I had such a visceral response. I wanted to shake the mother and say: "why can't you care for your own children?? You obviously have tons of money, you can afford to stay home. why are you letting someone else raise your kids? do you work or are you one of the ladies who lunch? What is your problem you lazy, vapid, half-witted prima-donna?!?!?!" Of course, I just stared unabashedly and sucked my teeth in the true "strong black woman" fashion. Clearly, it was none of GDB, but I was still ticked. Are black people not supposed to do classically "menial/servant" jobs because of the way they look and harking back to the past when these were the only jobs Black people were allowed to have? No. I mean the black girl was getting paid, but I wish she was working at the Gap instead.
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16 comments:
She was obviously a nanny... which by today's standards is a career that the individual CHOOSES. I doubt the family who employs her bought her from her other employer...Who cares if she was black or any other ethnicity? Do you get that upset when you are waited on by a black server in a restaraunt? Or for that matter, how does this girl being a nanny differ from waiting on you in the Gap? It's still a service industry. Take a step down and realize that not all black women are going to have the opportunity to be a lawyer or doctor or professor no matter what their background. And for that matter, how do you know she is not a student in college and this is how she is paying for her education so that she can be something else other than a nanny.
would you feel the same if the au pair were asian or white?
yea your title sums it up, you should mind your own business.
You should not look down on a person for their choice in employment. At least she has the class to be employed...
I wasn’t going to say anything but since all the opinions seem to be on one side I will.
It’s okay that it bothers you. It would bother me a little bit. However, it’s bet to mind our own business in situations like this.
Many non-African-Americans don’t understand or accept a concept known as post-traumatic slavery disorder. I maybe misquoting this term. However, it is about the residual affect that slavery has on the African-American community to this day. Is it wrong to feel contempt that your ancestors were mistreated?
We view people in how they relate to us personally. That’s just human nature. Is it possible that Ms. Nu-Man saw a reflection of herself? Were it not for the grace of god could she see herself in the same predicament?
Saying that as an African-American she shouldn’t be bothered by seeing a fellow African-American treated in a certain way is like saying a Woman shouldn’t be bothered by another woman being the victim of rape or domestic violence. Don’t say it’s different because one is by choice. Do servers chose to be abused in their trade?
Most average people would think that this woman should be able to tend to her own children. However, we live in a society where it seems everything is for sell.
We don’t know if this woman behaves this way towards her children all the time. If she does it will catch us. Wealthy people who don’t tend to their children find out latter in life they have only their servants to tend to them. There is no relationship between child and parent. I’ve seen it before. A friend of mine once went to an estate auction. The woman died and her children were selling the house and all its contents. He actually bought a picture frame with her children’s picture in it. He asked the son did he want the picture as he only wanted the frame. The son said he didn’t care and that it was all for sell. I asked my friend how this could be. My friend spoke with the maid who was a black woman. The maid told him that the woman’s children hardly visited her at all. It was the same with her grandchildren. The maid was the only constant person in the woman’s life!
In the times of segregation and slavery it wasn’t uncommon for white children from well to do families to have more of a familial relationship with their black mammies than their own parents! I’ve heard stories of children coming to age and not able to be controlled by their own mother or father. They’d have to call up, “old mammy” to put the child in check!
The job of mammy was not a disgraceful job. Mammies kept whole families together, “black and white.” Mammies kept churches together. We in the African community understand the unwritten rules of our churches. You have the pastor, the elders, and the deacon…but before that you have the Church mother! And what Church Mother says goes! She can make or destroy a pastor’s career at a given church. Her love can bring the church together while her wrath and contempt can split a congregation in two!
I try to put a positive spin on things. Seeing the black woman cater to the white woman like that would bother me. Arguments over her choosing that profession aren’t overly valid to me. Most people don’t chose profession out of passion but out of necessity. I want to be CEO but at this time that’s not within my grasp so I guess I’ll wash tables. Mammy didn’t necessary choose to work for white folks; she was forced by circumstance to do so! But, as I was saying. I would see her working and be reflective. I would be grateful that my ancestors did that so that I wouldn’t have to. I would be grateful that I’m not doing it now. It would serve as a reminder for me not to become arrogant in my success and always be humble. Then it might even cause me to give her a bigger tip on MY CHECK if she was my server.
I would like to say that I say this as a descendant of domestics….and I don’t mean five generations past.
My great grandmother was a domestic. My grandmother was a domestic and a mammy. My aunts worked as domestics. My mother briefly worked as a domestic. They didn’t necessarily choose these professions, these were the jobs available to them at the time! I’m sure many people have forgotten for the time that Phillip Morris was in Louisville there were allegations of racial discrimination. Even as the neighborhood turned black, many of the workers remained white and lived far from the very neighborhood they worked in. AFTER it was available, my aunts and some other relatives got jobs with Phillip Morris and other factories.
Wow, I mean how do you KNOW this woman was forced to make a decision to be a NANNY... not MAMMIE. Who forced her? And with what gun? There are so many other job choices for women out there today. It is difficult for me to believe that the mean white folk forced this poor defensless black woman to be their slave.
Did it even cross your mind that she may have chosen to be a nanny due to a career path? Often people who want to enter into a career dealing with children, will nanny (I did and many of my friends did also). And most caregiver agencies do not specifically place black women with white families (you know, for the sake of "mammieing").
Also, how do we know this woman was even a nanny/mammie?? Perhaps she was a family member or friend of the family who just loves those children... while the author of this blog and Mr. Johnson want to make this a case for stating how awful and detrimental slavery was and still is to African-Americans, I believe that you both are over-reaching in this scenario. Sorry it bothered you so much to see a black woman sitting with white folks and tending to their children, but please just get over it. Or next time, maybe approach this person and ask her if she is happy in her choice (and yes, it is a choice) since it bothers you so much. She may be a bit offended that you see her as "selling out"...
It's sad that you both (Ms. Nu'Man and Mr. Johnson) look down so much on individuals who work in domestic service. These individuals who work these jobs (nannys, housekeepers, cooks, gardeners, etc.) provide a valuable service to those who employ them. There are obviously situations where these individuals have been abused by employers... but this occurs in many professions. However, in this specific situation, neither of you really know that this woman was in fact the family's nanny. And if she was, how do you know that she was oppressed? The white female, described as uninterested, is stereotypical of how most black people view wealthy, white women... too easy of a description in my opinion and way too easy of a target for your distaste.
I'm sure your observations, Ms. Nu'Man, were just that... observations. But you proclaimed such bold statements about this young woman's supposed peril in her employment by the evil white folks. I'm not black so I do not have the same outlook on situations as such. So you will have to excuse my reaction to your column (and Mr. Johnson's comment), because I see things like this as just an excuse to keep on being angry over the past. But then again, why take my comment seriously... again, I'm not black so I apparently do not know. Oh yeah, and I am a white woman, so I guess that is 2 strikes against me in your book.
You’re both right. I don’t know this woman from the next. Maybe she does enjoy working for others and all that you said.
However, I speak from some type of experience. I have former domestics in my family whom I’m able to talk to and gather information from. As I said, we relate to people from our own perspective. It is true that some well to do people choose to nanny while working on their degrees and such. Mother was a domestic for a black family in Oldham County.
However, I’m not going to get over it and I’m sure Ms. Nu-man won’t either. We obviously see the situation from a different perspective.
I’m sure they exist but I’m not overly aware of people lining up to be servants. Domestics don’t make a lot of money. So while it is feasible, it’s not overly rational for me in seeing a person chose to be a domestic.
Just as you observed there are other occupations to choose from, it is just as likely that she wasn’t able to obtain them.
You are right; she could be a member of the family. I have white people in my family but usually this isn’t the action you would see as Ms. Nu-man described.
Here’s an interesting comparison. In the early years of the film industry, African American had few opportunities. They would play the stereotypical roles available or just not act. Many opted to play the stereotypical roles. “It’s easier to play a maid then to be one,” was a reply often given. So the concept of choice isn’t as cut and dry as many would think. D.W. Griffith had some black actors in birth of a nation. But we shouldn’t have a problem with that they chose to play those parts. During WWI many African Americans joined the armed services. Hey, they knew they would be discriminated against but they chose to enlist. As the lines of race and class blur in our society we can look to the present. Take any black or white or other group you wish. We all know that in the service industry workers are underpaid and over worked…but hey, they chose to work in those situations so no harm no foul.
You’re opinion as a person matters. Regardless of you being a white woman or black man. You have a mind and thoughts. However every opinion doesn’t carry as much weight as the next. My opinion may have more weight than your’s as I have experience in this industry. However, the woman’s opinion has more weight than both of ours as she actually DOES the work. That’s just the way it is.
Good for her if she WAS a nanny! You know what they MAKE these days?!?! MAN!!
Oh brother.... give me a break.
It's easy not to relate when you aren't part of the group.
This isn't to say that some white groups have not be opressed. However, it seems that in America many have forgotten that.
I have some information for you.
Greeks have not forgotten the opression they faced from the Turks.
Irish have not forgottne the opression they faced from the English.
Poles have not forgotten the opression they faced from ???? (If you understand the history of Poland/Prussia you'll understnad
Jews have not forgotten the opression from the Holocaust and European for Centuries.
Yet when it comes to African-Americans, we are told to basically shut up. That was then...you're doing fine now.
The statistics to favor that response. History, Economics, Politics and Sociology...all respected studies testify that their is a reason for this time of feeling.
However, in the End. Ms. Nu-man is entitled to her opinions and feelings just as the next person. The next person is entitled to comment...however it wouldn't hurt to have some humility when commenting on another persons actual feelings..... Isn't that fair?
Anonymous, it's obvious that you are not African American because if you were, you would see things from a different perspective. I happen upon this blog because I'm doing research on Black women in the white woman's imagination. From my experience, it doesn't matter, to some white women, how many degrees you have, even if you are a doctor, lawyer, or PhD, most white women still see you as a maid. Before they would consider you as a professional woman, they would ask you if you would be willing to clean their homes. I was sharing, with a white woman, that I was interested in becoming a life coach, and the first thing she asked me was would I be willing to help her clean up her house. I was appalled, but then, I remembered, that I was speaking to someone who couldn't see me as a life coach. But, could definitely see me as a maid. Do Black women ever evolve in white women's imaginations? A question that will be my 500 page dissertation.
You're one experience (and a brief one at that) is what you have based this total belief upon? Was that her exact words to you, to "clean her house"? Or did you just read into what she said? And what exactly is a "life coach"??
It’s amazing… We see what we want to see and hear what we want to see. Maybe it was her one personal experience. However, it gains much more credence when several hundred different people experience the same thing at different places.
History is a valid tool as is sociology. So would it make a difference is 400 hundred black women were to post similar experiences here that occurred once?
It’s like she said, you aren’t black so you don’t see it from that perspective. That isn’t a racist comment. That’s just human nature. He have difficulty showing sympathy to things when haven’t experienced. This doesn’t just flow white to black. Do Anglos empathize with Celts over the migration from the Potato famine?
Most white people don’t understand the concept of the black tax. There was a very good example of this in the movie “Something New.” The premise of the movie is about a successful black woman searching for love. She loves for her ebony prince and comes up empty handed. Then she meets a great white guy who she originally won’t give the time of day. Later she finds herself falling in love with the man in spite of herself. The movie follows the typical issues that occur in mixed relationship. In one scene they are having a discussion on how she was undermined on the job because of her race. In the movie they make this obvious. Her white boyfriend didn’t see it this way. He saw that she was making a big deal out of nothing. “There are stupid people,” was around his response. Her boyfriend retorted, “You live in a good house, in a good neighborhood, you have a college education and are in a top position at your firm as one of the few blacks, what’s your problem?” That’s valid. However, notwithstanding, she has to prove that everyday. In the movie she was an account. Her firm gave her a very important account. After going over the numbers in detail with the client, the client asked to see her white subordinate. When this was explained, he asked to see her white superior. The white superior validated her findings for the client. Later when her finding contradicted those of the firm, she was scrutinized. She was eventually vindicated when the firm found her independent findings to surpass their own. However, this was a valid example of how people usually aren’t able to see the perspectives of others. She had to pay the black tax often. This happens when you go places and people automatically assume you shouldn’t be there unless you are serving. The founder of BET commented on an instance where a white man asked him to perform a service as the white man believed he was service personnel. This is one thing I like about Atlanta over Louisville. I can go to various places and be accepted. I can show up with my dread locks and a white tank top, I could be thought to be in possession of more assets then I really have. White people sometimes take this for granted. For example, Sam Walton, Dave Thomas and Bill Gates. In Louisville, you can go to certain areas and the people (white people) will view you as an oddity (generally, not always), as no belonging.
Anonymous. . .
You are correct, there are some "people" that assign societal roles to others without looking past the color of their skin. It also happens to those of a certain gender, ethnicity, etc. And the "people" that advance these stereotypes are the same people who are themselves stereotyped. Virtually every race, gender, and ethnicity battle with stereotypes. In other words, it goes both ways. In my opinion, your paper would be more interesting if you looked at both sides of the issue. Include a section on how white women are commonly portrayed in the black woman's imagination. How do those portrayals impact relationships among the two?
Enough of that - Felicia, when are you coming home? Do you have any idea how boring it is here without you? I can't do it much longer!
~Amanda
So its o.k. to judge based on someones skin color now? I'm confused. I see someone has already commented what if it were a white lady or an asian lady would it have stirred your emotions? Or perhaps you are a little bit racist yourself.
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