One of my new favorite officers of LMPD asked me a typical getting to know you question recently: “are you married?” Followed by the still touchy, but always asked “do you have any kids?” After my emphatic “nos” made him chuckle, he paid me a great compliment (“I don’t know why a beautiful and smart woman like you isn’t married” which I replied impishly “I don’t know either!”) and gave me a great statement to chew on: “I’m sure when you open up your heart, a great guy will come into your life.” Ewwwww. How many times had I heard that same sentiment in various forms of statements or platitudes. But, for some reason his matter-of-fact and no-nonsense demeanor struck me. How open was my heart to love? Did I really want that love in my life or was I giving it lip service? Could be speaking one thing with my mouth, but speaking volumes with my heart to the opposite? One of LMPD Finest could be one who finally opened my mind (and heart) a little wider to the possibility of finding that mate I sometimes believe is completely elusive and unattainable. My father who is the archetype for which I judge all men is a hard act to follow. He is strong, funny, gentle, surprising, rebellious, dependable, thoughtful, responsible, an explorer, intelligent, a voracious reader, and loves Star Trek in all its cinematic forms. I have many times thought if you can do the things that Mr. Nu’Man does for me, why am I wasting my time? I know it’s a tall order and may at times be an unfair comparison, but clearly these are admirable traits why am I not allowed to seek them out in a potential potential? I know I’m sometimes consumed with acidic realism, but there could be glimmer of hopefulness peaking through my transparent disdain of love and relationship.
Don’t count on that sentiment peaking through on a regular basis, bitter is funnier.
Love me some of this guy.
4 comments:
Have you ever tried this comeback:
Mr. Man: So why isn't a beautiful and smart woman like you married?
Ms. Lady: Well, I would be, but you were already taken. (* close the scene with a sly smile and a wink)
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And my other common retort to the question above is "Unless you are offering a solution, don't ask the question". (But then again, you may not want to follow this one. I am sort of sassy, so tangy comments like that roll off my tongue regardless of the level of the harm of the question.)
And remember the observation by the highly-confused-majorly-ineffective-but-hella-smart Dr. Condi Rice - "I don't want to get married in the abstract sense. I would hope to find someone to love and then marry that person". (* this is more paraphrase than actual quote)
And here is more food for thought. Are we too educated for marriage? Would our chances at being married by this age have been greater if we had not gone further than high school? Has our education given us too much knowledge about the human condition and its potential levels of intelligence? Does that knowledge cause us to turn down potential spouses and mates because our education has caused us to develop subjective levels of desire and needs not likely to be fulfilled by Ordinary Joes and JaJuans? Are we too damned smart for our own marital good?
May I just say, the Big Easy agrees with you. As someone who listens frequently to your many views on life & love (which can be a tad bit cynical, yet always hilarious), it pleases me to hear you expose your softer, more cuddly side. You are beautiful, strong, intelligent, accomplished, and caring. You are woman – we hear you roar. With all these traits, however, it is hard to stay open to those "ick factor" moments in life. Just remember, don't let the ability to take care of yourself fool you into thinking it wouldn't also be nice to be taken care of (at least part of the time).
Miss you lots. Come home soon.
P.S. - The piece on Obama was really good too. How useful am I? I almost shutter to answer that question truthfully.
Sorry to tell you but that compliment has been given to me more times than I can count and it most definitely two-sided.
Yeah it has it's good side but also it has the "what is wrong with you?" part too. If you are so good looking and smart, you SHOULD be married. What's wrong with you that at your age that you aren't?
Do not take the compliment as 100% good because it is not. Any time that is said to you from a man, it has a nasty undertone to it.
I am originally from Louisville but relocated to VA since 1995. When I left the Ville, I always had said that Louisville women are like no other in the eastern U.S.They always want a man to have this, or that, but they have nothing to bring to the table. Its always some sort of game they like to play by saying " I dont want him to think I was sweating him" so they act non-chalant about how they feel about you. You can come to women in Louisville correct, polite, sincere, respectful, and they still chose the "thug" who they know is going to dog them over a clean cut career orient man. I tested waters when I was away and my theory was true, I joined the military and got to experience people and their culture all over the eastern U.S. and I must say IT IS JUST LOUISVILLE WOMEN! They seem to act totally different when they visit other cities like the ATL, and allow them brothers the time of day. When I came back to Louisville, I kept my VA tags on for about 3 months and recieved all the attention in the world. When I switched them to KY plates, same car, same person, NOTHING! Louisville women must be from a different planet or something because they act like no other.
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